Curled up on the stone-cold floor
Like a coil of worm protecting itself
Paralyzed and unable to retaliate
As blood oozed from wounds

Heating rage blazed wildly
Hurled burning curses
thrashed sadistically
“You are a burden
A disappointment
You disgust me!”

My eyes flutter
As she fades away
My consciousness soaked
into the pool of blood

I woke up suddenly, trembling
Weak and unable to move
Wounds all cleaned and tended to
As the cool breeze brushed my hair
I see my mother’s loving eyes
As she caressed my head, she said
“You know how much I love you
I hope you learned your lesson”

Her kind eyes after the rage
Becomes my gradual addiction
To please her was my destiny
The torment was my normality

Several decades passed, I wake up
With chills down my spine
My wounded inner child recalls
Like it happened yesterday
Now that she is no more
Her voice still dictates me
The dependency on a ghost
Continues haunting me
Inflicting pain is my safety
Feeling secure in toxicity

I stare out the window
Of my luxurious mansion
With people who care for me
With everything I dreamt for

I should be happy, right?
But what is happiness to me?
Pleasing the dead beloved
Or finding my own lesson

Gopika Pramod

As a child who internalised love’s meaning differently due to her abusive past, her mother’s love haunts her into adulthood.

4 thoughts on “Ghost

  1. Your past conditioning could give a different meaning to love, which could continue haunting your present. It needs to be redefined.

  2. My wounded inner child recalls
    Like it happened yesterday..

    You deserve to be happy, pleasing the haunting memory of her ghost isn’t your destiny.. here is to healing 🥂

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